Imagine losing a loved one suddenly and violently, and having to constrain yourself and not express any sadness or anger. It must be hard. Now imagine witnessing the murder of your own mother and finding yourself so contrained. You cannot do anything about it, you cannot find answers, and you have to save your own life. Amer Abdelhadi writes from Nablus about the plight of the family of Shaden Abu Hijleh.