Israeli shock as Sharon “comes out”

Above: Sharon poses in Studio Al-Manara, Ramallah, during the April 2002 invasion of the Palestinian town. He declined to pose in front of the usual sunset beach photograph, choosing instead to pose with a picture of his favourite sheep.

Yesterday Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon shocked his nation when he told them “You may not like the word, but what’s happening is occupation,” and he insisted that “holding 3.5 million Palestinians” against their will is bad for Israel and bad for the Palestinians.

Today, BNN can reveal the truly shocking fact that for years Sharon has enjoyed dressing up as a Palestinian in private and he insists that his close friends call him “Abu Omri,” following the Palestinian tradition of calling someone after the name of their eldest son.

“Arik Sharon has always been jealous that Arafat got to be called “Abu Ammar,” a Sharon confidant told BNN, “and now the Palestinian prime minister Mahmoud Abbas is known to the whole world as Abu Mazen. It’s his dream to come out in front of the whole world and say ‘I am Abu Omri.’”

In fact for years, Sharon has enjoyed playing at being a Palestinian farmer, enthusiastically showing guests around his sheep farm in the Negev, established on land that belonged to Palestinian farmers.

Another friend says that Sharon is sick of leading a tortured double-life. “For years Abu Omri felt that he was really a Palestinian born in an Israeli’s body. He was so scared that he would be discovered and cast out of an Israeli society that is not very tolerant of Palestinianness, that he had to put on this act of being a hyper-Israeli.”

Above: Sharon gets back to basics on his over irrigated Negev farm, during a break at the end of another hard day’s work introducing the human race to further horror.

This friend remembers Sharon’s stint as defence minister during the 1982 invasion of Lebanon as being particularly difficult. “Abu Omri would get home from work where he spent the whole day ordering airstrikes and tank advances on Palestinian and Lebanese positions, then he would cry quietly.” He only felt better, the friend says, when he would put on a kaffiyeh — the traditional Palestinian headdress — don a dishdasheh and eat hummus, fried eggs and lots of sweet tea from a glass. Sometimes he would sneak out at night and play backgammon with the Palestinian laborers on his farm. “They would sit around at night for hours and discuss the best way to tie a vine,” the friend revealed.

Sharon’s late wife discovered these habits, and although it tortured her, she decided to be tolerant, and to maintain the pretense in public. But really her personal life was politically unconsummated. She thought she had married a Zionist hero, and instead she got a secret Palestinian nationalist. “She came from a generation where a woman did not show her feelings in public,” the friend said, “and she suffered a lot, but she loved Arik.

Dr. Phil

Leading TV psychologist, Dr. Phil, says that Sharon’s more notorious deeds were probably a result of his inner struggle. “All of this invading neighbors and attacking refugee camps is partly a cry for help, and partly self-hatred from a very sensitive and deeply wounded human being,” Dr. Phil told BNN.

Sharon, now 75, has decided to live out the rest of his life in the open, no longer afraid to say who he is and how he feels. His friend says, “it will be hard for him, he knows that, but he wants the world to know who he truly is.”

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