The Zionist Handbook: A guide to defending Israel against Mean People

Two men, including Israeli president Shimon Peres, appear unhappy while eating ice cream
Amir Cohen Reuters

In the past few years, Israel has faced unprecedented criticism for killing children, bulldozing homes, ethnic cleansing, land theft, anti-Black racism, a discriminatory legal system, continued settlement building, violations of international law, lobbying to bomb Iran and general unpleasantness.

What follows are 23 handy arguments you can use to counter nonsense such as facts and evidence in defense of fair Israel’s honor:

  1. But … but … everybody else does bad things, too!

  2. Democracy. We have it. You don’t.

  3. The Holocaust!

  4. When logic and facts have gone against you, proclaim, “You’re being really mean!” (Note: if you are a white woman, it is recommended that you cry at this point.)

  5. Gaza has tunnels! And rockets! How is our army, with its $15 billion annual budget and nuclear weapons, supposed to cope?

  6. Nuh uh. G-d said so. It’s all right there in the Bible.

  7. I’m the victim here!

  8. HitlerHajjHusseiniProtocolsGarbleGarbleHitlerHusseiniHitlerHitlerPalestineHitler

  9. Terrorism! Oh so much terrorism! Teeerrrraaaah! T to the E to the R to the R to the O to the R to the I to the S to the M. Did I mention terrorism? (Note: spelling out the word also conveniently implicates the International Solidarity Movement in terrorism).

  10. Anti-Semitism!

  11. EVERYTHING. YOU’RE. SAYING. JUST. ISN’T. FAIR. (Note: This is a good time to bring up anti-Semitism again).

  12. Look, buddy, if the ADL says it, it must be true. It’s a civil rights organization.

  13. Hamas!

  14. This conversation is making me uncomfortable. (Remember: it’s all about you and how you feel).

  15. But we love the gay people!

  16. The Prawer Plan is inevitable: tribal peoples have always stood in the way of progress.

  17. My grandparents may be from Poland, but my ancestors are from Samaria.

  18. Should Americans give the land back to the Indians? (Note: This argument will be especially persuasive with liberals, who, while professing loud support for Native Americans, find the notion of empowering Indians or ceding any of their privilege to be comical).

  19. Hey, we only tried to steal 54 percent of your country back in the day and you, like, got all mad about it.

  20. Einstein, Arendt and Buber were simplistic thinkers compared to Dershowitz, Horowitz and Friedman.

  21. The Arabs used to eat matzo ball soup and kreplach before we introduced them to hummus, falafel and tabbouli.

  22. There was never a Palestinian state. Ancient Israel, on the other hand, wasn’t just a biblical epoch, but a member of the UN in good standing.

  23. We are a light upon all the nations. Now if you would kindly quit singling out Israel




Who invented the microchip thats in that computer you're using to bash Israel with, ( you can also throw in "look at what we do for medical science" and "how many Israeli peace prize winners are there ? " )


How does your argument disprove or justify Israel's human rights violations?

If Israel's science & technology invalidates human rights concerns, then wouldn't the science & technology of the Third Reich also have had the same effect?

According to the logic of "techwashing", the science & technology of the Greeks would have invalidated the grievances of the Judeans who took part in the Maccabean Revolt. Would you also claim that the science & technology of the Roman Empire invalidated the grievances of the Judeans who took part in the 1st & 2nd Jewish Revolts?


Many thanks for contributing arguments 24, 25 & 26 of the Guide. As for peace prize winners, the argument can only go from strength to strength knowing that it was also awarded to Henry Kissinger and Barack Obama—both as worthy of the prize as Menachem Begin, Yitzhak Rabin & Shimon Peres. How odd, I have just realised that it was also awarded to Anwar El Sadat and Yasser Arafat...hmm!

Gart Valenc
Twitter: @gartvalenc


Hamas, AL Quaeda, Hezbollah, militants, terrorists, Islamists, Muslims, rag heads, Sharia Law, beheadings, rockets, oil, burkas, Allah, Mohammad, Gaza, Palestine, Pakistan, Iran, nukes, Quran.. PRO-ISRAEL MEDIA.


In response to "robby martin". The mircochips in most computers are developed by American companies, such as the California-based American company Intel. Zionist propagandists are so completely and entirely dishonest (aka liars) that some of them will actually go as far as literally trying to claim that supposedly "Intel is an Israeli company", when a two-second internet search shows quite clearly it (Intel again) is an American company based in Santa Clara, California and which merely has operations and offices around the world in over 63 different countries (including Russia, India, Malaysia, Vietnam, Costa Rica, Ireland, and on and on).

Not only are your pathetic attempts at "techwashing" Zionist apartheid full of lies, they wouldn't matter EVEN IF they were true (which they again in most cases are not to start with!). Take a look at all the inventions that came out of Nazi Germany: listverse "Top 10 Things The Nazis Got Right" by Rigato

10. Banning of Vivisection
9. Animal Conservation
8. Anti-Tobacco Movement
7. Welfare Programs
6. The Volkswagen
5. Autobahn
4. Father of Modern Rocketry (former Nazi German SS member Werner von Braun who developed the German V1 and V2 rockets and then later came to America after the war and was key figure in NASA and the American space program)
3. Innovations in Film
2. Contributions to Fashion
1. Medical Advances

That list doesn't excuse any of the crimes the Nazis committed, something I think Zionist propagandists (like "robby martin") will agree with on this topic; all while he again goes on trying to "techwash" (often with lies to start with!) Zionist crimes.


@Brent, I titled my comment "24" for a reason. 23 examples for
The Zionist Handbook: A guide to defending Israel against Mean People were given. I added no 24. It's another thing zionists throw at me when they are losing a debate, I am no zionist I can assure you. But I do enjoy "debating" with them.


More from the Zionists:
- The Arabs killed more Palestinians.
- Jordan alone killed twice as many Palestinians in 1970.
- Arabs hate Palestinians/ Lebanon discriminates against them.
- Rockets kill Palestinians too.
- Gaza has a border with Egypt, why don't they feed them.
- Palestinians reject every peace offer.
- Palestinian media calls to eliminate Israel/Jews
- There was never a Palestinian-Arabs nation / Who was its leader/coin...


And don't you know that resolution 242 refers only to "territories" and not "the territories?" Without the "the" the grammatical implication is that Israel doesn't have to withdraw from all of them. This will tie up defenders of the Palestinians as they compare the resolution in all UN languages and argue the grammar of each language, plus they will have to dig up the diplomats who wrote the resolution and get their views on the lack of the "the."


Best technique is to get defenders of Palestine all twisted up in arguing about irrelevant details of history. Tell them that "Palestine" was a name imposed by the Romans and they will spend hours and megabytes digging up the ancient Greek geographers, ancient texts, Biblical references, and archeological evidence. When they produce their evidence dismiss them as forgeries, irrelevant, pedantic, or too ancient to be worth considering.

You can do this with the contents of the Balfour Declaration, the San Remo treaty, or Trans-Jordan being part of Palestine which the Jews were swindled out of. Quibble about whether the '48 lines were ceasefire lines, armistice lines, or an international frontier. It doesn't matter which point you make - just tie them up with an argument about it.

Anything to avoid focusing on the core fact of a foreign population displacing an indigenous one - a process which continues to this day.


It's easy to take shots and feel smart. My Dad taught me that that wasn't the way to make friends or influence people before my 10th birthday. Smug doesn't save lives or houses either. I try to promote understanding so that all the people living on the land can have enough freedom, security, peace and justice to be happy sooner than later.