Conflict resolution: the game show!

United States Department of State

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Boys and Girls,
Refugees and Hawiya holders,
Israelis and non-Israeli Zionists (who clearly already have too much time on your hands. Really though, how can you have that much time?),
48-ers, West Bankers, Gazans,
Two-Staters, One-Staters, No-Staters,
Leave- Me-Alone-and-Pour-Me-A-Taybeh-ers!!

Come one, come all!!
Announcing a brand new edition of:


How Many Refugees Can We Fit Inside the Muqata Walls?!

Your hosts:
Ehud Olmert, Condi Rice and Abu Mazen

You heard me.


Now – let me explain to you how this is going to work.

While intellectuals, politicians, activists, world leaders and refugees the world over have been racking their brains for decades over how to best resolve the longest-running refugee crisis in modern history, and how the logistics of the right of return would best be executed, it was actually resolved in 2008!

Silly us!
Why, BDS-ers, are you still going on and on about that third goal?
Resolution 194? Check!


If you have the privilege of being in Ramallah, go on, take advantage (I would expect nothing less) and walk on down to Irsal Street.
Stroll around those beautiful Muqataa walls.


How many people do you think you could fit inside that palatial beauty?

Take a guess! That’s the name of the game, after all!


But –
Think carefully, because you could be determining the fate of someone’s lifelong dream.


Got your guess?


If you said 5,000 – you were right on the money!


Your prize:

Coming up with the same brilliant idea as two of our hosts!


I agreed to absorb into Israel up to 5,000 Palestinian refugees over five years. Why 5,000? It may sound kind of strange, but during the talks between Rice and Abu Mazen he said that he needed the settlement of tens of thousands of refugees inside Israel, and that Ehud Barak had been ready to take in 100,000. She told him that he could get the same number of people as could fit inside the Muqataa at any given moment. We estimated that number to be about 5,000. So that’s how I came up with the number. I’m telling you, if Abu Mazen had been ready to sign on an agreement that would require our absorbing 10,000-15,000 over five years, I would have agreed. It was after all about the number of African illegals who were sneaking across the border every year back then. But all of it, of course, on condition that they would sign an agreement for an “end of conflict and end of demands,” so there would no longer be a “right of return.”
- Former Israeli president Ehud Olmert


So –
What now that Olmert is done for and Condi is gone, but Abu Mazen is still chugging along on that train towards peace?


Clearly, the solution has been staring us in the face! We tear down the Muqataa walls!


Waaaiiiiit waaaiiit … I know what you crazy kids are thinking … there will be no speaking ill of the Palestinian Authority here!
We will expand the Muqataa walls! You heard me!


In fact, let’s make the entire West Bank one big presidential compound! With a wall all along the borders of the future baby state!!
Think of how many refugees we could fit inside THOSE walls!


Oh … wait.

… nevermind …


Tune in next week, for Presidential Pictionary


Nour Joudah

Nour Joudah's picture

Nour has a MA in Arab Studies from Georgetown University. She was teaching high school and living in Ramallah prior to a re-entry denial, and subsequent ban from traveling to Palestine. Nour is currently re-exiled to and living and working in Washington, DC. She is the Associate Producer for Status, an Audio Journal and show, and blogs at Twitter: @nsdoud