BNN: What�s this all about?

PDF: Inspired by the Zionists who established a Jewish state in Palestine, the Pictish people who lived here for hundreds of years are reclaiming their land. Persecuted throughout the world the time has come for a Pictish state, the only place where the Picts can possibly be safe.

BNN: But what about the Scots - they live here already?

PDF: The “Scots” don�t exist. Or if they do exist they�re all terrorists. Anyway the Scots are just Celts, the same as the Irish or the Welsh or the Cornish or the French, and there�s plenty of room for the Celts in other countries. There�s already a Celtic state for the Scots, it�s called the Republic of Ireland, so they can go and live there. Some of the more moderate among us think it would be OK for the Scots to live in around 20% of the land so we�re planning to build a big wall across the highlands to fence them out away from the best bits of the country where we�re going to live.

BNN: What if they fight back?

PDF: Well that will just prove that they�re all terrorists won�t it? So we�ll have to expel them from their land, bulldoze their homes, imprison them and torture them and bomb their neighbourhoods.

BNN: Don�t you expect a lot of opposition?

PDF: Opposition is motivated solely by anti-Pictism, the hatred for the Picts, their religion and culture that has been a prominent part of European civilization for centuries. We can�t expect Old Europeans to understand our position. That�s why our biggest allies are people of Pictish descent in the USA, like those who formed APPAC - the American-Pictish Public Affairs Committee. In America they understand that we Picts are on the front line of the war against terrorism.

BNN: You say you�re worried about hatred against the Picts but surely your tactics will just increase it. Won�t this make Picts in other countries less, not more secure?

PDF: Hmm, I hadn�t thought of that. But you know you�re right! They�ll be less secure so they�ll have to leave their homes and come and live here in Pictland! That will help us to dominate this country. What a great idea, you�re a genius!

BNN: Isn�t this illegal? Don�t the Scots own this place?

PDF: No, the ownership is disputed. OK the police, the courts, the public and everybody else says it belongs to the Scots but we say it belongs to us, so it�s disputed, therefore it�s not an illegal occupation.

BNN: Surely this will lead to a permanent war between you and the Scots?

PDF: Look the Picts want peace, and we�re prepared to make very, very painful concessions for peace. For example a couple of years ago we offered to let the Scots set up a Scottish state in Sutherland, a miserable, wet expanse of freezing-cold peat bog, which is the very cradle of Pictish history. They refused this generous offer which just proves that they don�t recognise Pictland�s right to exist. All they want is to drive us into the north sea, or maybe the Minch or possibly the Moray Firth. How are we supposed to make peace with these people?

[ends]

What�s this really about? All of the above arguments are routinely used to justify Israeli human rights abuses on a massive scale. If you think they�re absurd then join us in campaigning for justice for the Palestinian people. In recent months the Israeli army have added British humanitarian workers and peace activists to their list of thousands of innocent victims. Boycott Israel goods. Write to your MP and the government calling for an arms embargo and economic sanctions on Israel. For more information, see the website of the Scottish Palestine Solidarity Campaign at http://www.scottishpsc.org.uk