19 October 2006
“When we identify the Arab country that is responsible for the problems, we will take all measures to avoid civilian casualties by redefining the term itself through a PR blitz while we eviscerate every last atom of infrastructure from beneath the feet of even the teeniest Arab infant. Then we will finally have military superiority over the Arabs and they will have no choice but to give up all hope of possessing technology more sophisticated than a lightbulb.”
“The Palestinian Navy may be based in Nablus, cut off from the sea, but we Palestinian seamen have a fine sense of the open water. For example, if the waves were to start glowing, we would know that it is time to join the Preventative Security Service. If we join them after the problem has already happened, we won’t be blamed for not preventing it.”
“I don’t know. I’m mostly here for the tanks and freeing Palestine. Nuclear weapons aren’t something we have to deal with. You might want to ask Darryl from Sweden, our media coordinator. He might know.”
“Honestly, I don’t know, I haven’t had the chance to watch Israeli TV yet today, so I don’t have a clue what’s going on. This is a big gun though, isn’t it?”
“The lemons in this supermarket are all from Israel. If there was any nuclear disturbance in the Middle East, they might have to start shipping lemons from Africa. Everyone knows that African lemons are way sour. And don’t start me on the green veg.”
“My mother in Iran used to have a saying that she would always tell us children at times like these: ‘Rare flowers are like infidels. They are both high maintenance and destined to be consumed by God’s fire.’ It just goes to show you can’t always trust your mother.”
“When you really grab a goat’s sack hard, you can make them sing. It’s this crazy warble of sound that can really sound like a tune. My wife once swore she heard Frera Jacket one time her brother grabbed a goat’s balls. Forget bitches in the living room, Snoop Dogg, I got goat and I be making sweet goat music.”
“My preference is definitely for the California Natural bone treats with liver in them. For sure, you can argue that the California Natural chicken bone treats are indeed tolerable but together alongside my standard feedings of California Natural Chicken & Rice formula they do nothing to vary my palate.”
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