Round-up of recent wire service images

The origin of the well-known quotation, Un croquis vaut mieux qu’un long discours (“A picture is worth a thousand words”), is attributed to Napoleon. Back by popular demand, BNN Photo Editor Najeeb Al-Anbarri looked at recent wire service images of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and offers a selected overview of how the conflict is being visually portrayed by the commercial media. From hard news to entertainment, the breadth of images truly says much about the realities on the ground.

Hard News Images

Israeli soldiers flaunt their globally-unchallenged power during a week in which images of naked, hooded Iraqi prisoners being nastily treated shocked the world to its little, innocent, human rights report-avoiding marrow. Private Avi Cohen commented, “We’ve been stripping Palestinians at checkpoints and in the streets for decades now, with not a cheep from any of the other countries. It just goes to show that the world appreciates Israel’s special situation.”

“What is this, the peace?” asks prisoner Bassim Bezult. “When the Zionist dogs made me remove my pants and two journalists from the Washington Post were nearby, I thought for sure I would be spared the humiliation. But they snapped a couple of photos and got in a taxi to the American Colony Hotel. One of them even shouted out the window as they left: ‘Hey Abdul, it’s only news when we want it to be. Nice pecs, dude.’”

Islamic Militant Watch Images

In a recent interview with Al-Dustuur magazine, Palestinian political commentator Ziad Abu Amour noted, “With God on their side, you’ve got to expect that the Islamic groups will have all the best babes. This could be a decisive factor in the recruitment of new suicide bombers.”

This June, Palestinian director Subhi Zubeedi plans to start shooting a steamy Middle Eastern version of the popular US pulp horror film The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Above, unemployed Islamic Jihad auditioning for the lead role, Wednesday. “I plan to add a twist,” said Zubeedi in an interview with BNN. In this version, a settler car will get lost near Ramallah, and the lead character, Widj Al-Jild, will beat to death the settlers with a series of dildos. This is the perfect metaphor for a population tired of being fucked over by the occupation.”

At a stadium in Jenin, Hamas supporters chant, “We will, we will, rock you.” “Who are this musical group Queen?” asked participant Jibril Al-Hejar. “Their song about the Palestinian struggle is a fantastic revolutionary tune!” The crowd later filed past a pile of rubble and picked up stones to “rock” the Israelis at the nearest checkpoint.

At a rally in Nablus, members of Islamic Jihad set fire to a piss-poor model of an Israeli Apache helicopter, “because that’s all we can do,” said a shamefaced local leader who wished to remain anonymous. “With no access to decent crafts supplies or Stinger missiles, this is the best we can manage to keep the lads morale up.”

Fashion and Arts Images

Members of the elite Israeli Se’arim Brigade, which specialises in fashion-related crimes against the State of Israel, arrest a Palestinian woman outside a hair salon in Nablus. “Essentially, we were saving her from a repeat of the last disaster,” explained Moshe Ben Peres. “We will take her to a reliable salon in Jerusalem, where she will be interrogated about her connections with Palestinian hairdressers.”

In a special art exhibit funded by the US Consultate in Gaza, Palestinian sculptor Musa al-Sayyara unveiled his new piece, entitled “US Foriegn Policy on the Highways of the World.” US Consul General David Piers spoke at the opening, saying that, “This project is among a handful funded by the United States to show how much we care about the Palestinian people.”

That’s Entertainment Images

A member of the Deir Al-Balah Extreme Sports Club (DBESC) models the latest sports craze in Gaza, tank surfing. “Palestinians don’t have any airspace or high bridges for parachuting or base jumping, the roads are too rocky for skateboarding, and the lack of mountains means there are no sick lines of powder to ski or snowboard,” commented Ahmed Al-Khataar, president of the DBESC. “We’ve had to work with what we’ve got. And tank surfing is proving a huge hit.”

Fans of Shurta Khass al-Khalil, a Palestinian TV show spin-off from the US series Miami Vice, waited at the Hebron-Bethlehem checkpoint fruitlessly on Thursday, as stars Abed al-Kanoun and Nadi al-Haq were prevented from attending an autograph signing by Israeli soldiers at the checkpoint. “We are big fans,” said Walid Ittisaal (R), clutching a bag of apricots, “It is a great shame that we couldn’t see our favourite actors today. Maybe tomorrow.”

Bored out of their gourds as the result of being permanently trapped between more checkpoints than you can shake a well-rolled fatty at, members of the Bethlehem chapter of Rastas for Saddam held their twice-annual meeting yesterday. Spokesman Mohammed Al-Mastool told BNN, “This year’s event was the best ever! We got totally baked like deranged monkeys and danced around in front of the Western media, telling them that we were Hamas members! The excited looks on their faces was priceless! We laughed til we shat! Next time, we plan to hang out on the beach and show slides of the event in an attempt to recruit new members.”

With not much else to do, confined to his devastated Ramallah compound for a year now, Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat has begun collecting cars. “I read in the US press that Mr. T, one of my favourite TV stars, collects all kinds of cars, jeeps and trucks and parks them in his Beverly Hills home and I thought it would be a break from the monotony to do it here in Ramallah.” Arafat aide Mustafa Al-Leish added that, “Arafat’s new recreational activity has become hard to pursue. There’s hardly a car in town that hasn’t been run over by an Israeli tank. Arafat has been steadfast in his determination to become a collector nonetheless.”