“Al-Hamdullilah! Praise be to God!” sighed Ahmed Al-Reyah, a native of Ames, Iowa. “Thank Allah that an Arab did not cause this tornado!”
“Life for Arabs is hard in the US after 9/11. We are blamed for every incident in America. Our neighbours look on us with suspicion. The FBI are investigating us. It is a relief that the authorities have found no Arab was responsible for the tragedy. I will be celebrating this Thanksgiving.” Al-Reyah said, whose home, business, car, and entire extended family were wiped off the face of the earth by the so far seemingly natural event.
“Nushkur Allah,” said Saidah Makluba, a student at Iowa State University. “Even though this is a tragedy we are all so relieved that we’re not having to bend over and get anally probed like Thanksgiving turkeys today. Imagine if the police had found a link to Al-Qaida in this weather pattern!”
Local residents were less than convinced. “They looked funny the day before the tornado hit,” commented area resident John Fergusson, “like they knew something. Them Ayrabs are always up to something, jist like the teevee says. I’ve loaded my gun and I’m ready for any jihad-inspired inclement weather.”
Middle East experts note that it has not been ruled out 100 percent that an Arab caused the tumultuous events, which left 350 families homeless and saw over 50 cows snatched from pastures and rotated up into the sky, just like that cool scene in Twister (1996) that almost — but not quite — made the $7 admission price worthwhile for those that went because they had incorrectly figured that the movie would suck less on a big screen.
“It is clear that Arabs hate us and that this tornado was an act of hate,” said renowned Middle East expert Daniel Pipes, “therefore this tornado was an Arab tornado. I don’t know how they did it but they’re involved somehow. Mark my words. At some point in the future, some Arabs will do something that will be not good and then you will see I am right about every single one of them and their evil ways. Then, in those days of milk and honey, networks will once again invite me back on television — following a gap after my unfortunate claims after the Oklahoma bombing — to confirm the blind predjudices of their audiences and once again return demagogery to its rightful place on college campuses across our nation.”
In related news, Israel released documents seized from Palestinian Authority offices in Ramallah that allegedly link Yasser Arafat to scattered showers last Wednesday.