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al Bassaleh

All the news that isn’t (satire and humor)

In wake of Jayson Blair scandal, NYT assures that creative writing on Middle East will continue

Najeeb Al-Anbarri
13 May 2003

The New York Times is reeling from a humiliating scandal in which it was found that reporter Jayson Blair had been fabricating breaking news scoops during the Washington sniper saga, quoting people he had never spoken to, regularly plagerising copy from other reporters’ work, and claiming to travel to cities and towns across the United States that phone records and a lack of travel expenses did not support. Times executive editor, Howell Raines, spoke to concerned parties at a recent press conference in New York, NY. BNN’s Najeeb Al-Anbarri was present at the conference but has lost his ticket stub so therefore requests that you take his word for it.

Palestine traffic report

Laurie King
11 May 2003

As a service to newly arrived diplomatic and media visitors in Palestine trying to make sense of a confusing new road map, BNN provides this helpful and up-to-date traffic report.

Leaked Powell memo details media language preferences

8 April 2003

A leaked secret memo has been received by BNN from the desk of Colin Powell, CEO of the United States of America, to the administrative offices of U.S. government subsidiaries CNN and Fox News. BNN’s Leaked Secret Memo Expert Moureen Al-Moorfi reports.

Schlock and Awe

Michael Tortorello
3 April 2003

”This ‘Schlock and Awe’ tv glossary aspires to cut through what nearly every news anchor has ponderously been calling ‘the fog of war’ — as if they were quoting an obscure passage from Thucydides — and replace it with the fog of punditry. On the subject of obscure passages from Thucydides, how about this adage from The History of the Peloponnesian War: ‘Zeal is always at its height at the commencement of an undertaking.’ (Recall what Donald Rumsfeld declared last week, We’re still, needless to say, much closer to the beginning than the end.) Less than two weeks into the campaign, our zeal for war seems to have dissipated — and no one is looking forward to the undertaking.” This feature by Michael Tortorello appeared in Minnesota’s City Pages, which BNN’s editors could not let pass without sharing with our readers.

Photo of the Day

Bassam Al-Aflaam
10 March 2003

Photo of the Day is a BNN feature which offers a photograph on a day, and calls it “Photo of the Day”. This is not to imply that this is a regular feature, nor that this photo is truly the mother of all photos for the day in question. Usual disclaimers apply.

Helpless Britons appeal to France for "regime change"

28 February 2003

A group of British dissidents has appealed to France to invade the United Kingdom and bring about regime change. According to a spokeswomen at the Elysee Palace, French President Jacques Chirac received the request in a letter from a group of British exiles and “pro-democracy activists” calling themselves the “Free United Kingdom Movement” or FUKM, for short. BNN obtained a copy of the appeal in full.

Photo of the Day

Nigel Parry
15 February 2003

Photo of the Day is a BNN feature which offers a photograph on a day, and calls it “Photo of the Day”. This is not to imply that this is a regular feature, nor that this photo is truly the mother of all photos for the day in question. Usual disclaimers apply.

Arafat sends chocolates to Sharon

Robert Whisk
30 January 2003

RAMALLAH—Besieged Palestinian Authority chairman Yasser Arafat sent a box of choclates to re-elected Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon today. The choclates were accompanied by a card on which Arafat had written “Congratulations to Arik, my peace of the brave partner, from Yasser.”

Peres takes sewage job in Sharon govt "for sake of peace"

1 February 2003

RAMAT AVIV, ISRAEL—Former Israeli prime minister Shimon Peres has become the first member of the defeated Labor Party to announce that he will join a national unity coalition government headed by Ariel Sharon. Peres, 79, who has held virtually every post in Israeli politics, will serve as Minister for Sewage.

Arab group claims that killings of Palestinians "means something"

Roger Penaisse
16 January 2003

During a press conference Wednesday, in Brooklyn’s All Arab Center, Naseer Al-Muharrad from the Campaign to Monitor the Media made a startling claim, asserting that, “the killing of Palestinians means something.” BNN Special Diplomatic Correspondent Roger Penaisse reports.

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