HORROR AND EVIL FINALLY MAKE IT ONTO TVNETWORK EXECUTIVES DEFEND DECISION, CITING 'WHITENESS' OF VICTIMS
New York -- As Americans were waking up across the country on September 11th, previously unseen programming of people dying horrifying, agonizing deaths was the shocking new network fare that greeted them.
"I was totally flabbergasted," said Susan Fletcher, 32, of Cinncinati, Ohio. "Usually, I turn on the television and the worst I can expect is footage of another black man getting beaten by cops or being told about another Latino retard being executed, but this was different."
"White people in suits and ties were throwing themselves from burning windows as symbols of our nation crumbled, New York's policemen and firefighters were vomiting, and administrative assistants were fleeing in terror down the streets. And it was all there in front of my eyes."
Like millions of Americans, Fletcher was shocked that television -- a medium beloved by the vast majority of America's 300 million people for it sophomoric qualities in a world always just one step away from bio-nuclear-terrorist annihalation -- could actually become an instrument for the broadcast of the impending peril.
"It wasn't just that there was bad shit going down on TV," exclaimed Brad Stevens of Des Moines, Iowa. "I didn't realise how big the world was! I mean I always watch CNN's The World Tonight, and had concluded from the consistent devotion of 3 out of 4 of its segments to American news that the rest of the world was pretty small, about the size of Maine or perhaps a little bigger.""Now with all these maps on the news and those multimedia animations on MSNBC's website," sighed Stevens, "I've realised that there's a lot more out there than a few tents, camels, and Canadians."
Horrified that Americans were learning that the petroleum that fills their gas tanks doesn't actually originate from cans left in cabbage patches by benevolent car fairies, the White House blasted the major national and international U.S. networks.
"Oh yeah. We had new ones torn by the Commander in Chief," complained NBC CEO Jeffrey Immelt, "but what the hell were we supposed to do? White people were dying, for Christ's sakes! What else where we supposed to do? We had to broadcast the horror and evil. There was no other way out."
Al-Bassaleh special correspondent Naji Al-Jazeera contributed to this report
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